Withering The Stone
by Corycian Muse
Summary: If this place had been deeper within the earth, I would never have yearned for a Sun I didn't know...


**Withering The Stone**  
**_by Corycian Muse_**

_**A/N: Very slight implication of SanzoxGoku, but it does not go further than their relationship I see portrayed in Kazuya-san's work. Please read, review, and enjoy.

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People fear what they cannot see.

Sometimes, he does not fear that darkness at all. Sometimes, when only ripples hold the earth and the sky together, and the blank vastness above seems so far away, does he long to see nothing. Long to be consumed, by a comforting darkness, and by silence.

Always broken.

Piercing through the air, stepping on his heels, constantly needing him nearby, Goku gives him reason; a gleaming bond attached to him, that however hard he tries to break, can never be shattered.

How many times has he turned to look over his shoulder, lashed out with his mental will in an attempt to break that delicate thread? Always met by golden eyes, stabbing at his chest. And Goku always looks at him _like that_, and he always has to turn away again, bonding thread still intact.

Spider's Web.

One morning, Goku reaches his hand out with excited fingers, and encloses them tightly upon Sanzo's robes, to _come with me. _

_I want to show you something. _"But look!"

"No," and he tersely yanks himself out of Goku's grip. _Leave me alone. _A trembling breath escapes his lips, as the boy looks up at him with such despondence. He glares back, annoyed that his defences are being breached.

"But Sanzo! It's a spider's web! It's beautiful." Goku leans forward inquisitively, parting the wet leaves. The web glitters with dew, as if someone has scattered it with jewels. Its pattern is impeccable – designed by God. With one finger, Goku touches a droplet of water, and it breaks itself free from the spider's web to trickle down his hand. He laughs delightedly, and watches as the spider scuttles across its creation into the shelter of the leaves.

_To see the effeminacy of the world._

When Goku turns around, he can't see Sanzo. The corners of his world begin to close in, and peel away. The morning air is no longer refreshing but bitter, and the clear Sun is an icy, frigid orb that's frosted over.

"Sanzo?" _Where are you?_ Fearful, he looks wildly around the gardens, and just catches those flowing, white robes disappear into the monastery of Chang-An.

Leaving the spider's web, Goku follows, calling out unhappily. Just as he used to when he was tortured by chains, cornered by walls, barred from freedom for five hundred years.

_They've left me here._

_The sky's so far away… I can't reach it._

_Please… let me out._

_I'm all alone…_

_Come for me… Sanzo._

_Please…_

Just like back then. His voice, always echoing through the recesses of his mind. Sanzo grits his teeth, as Goku calls out to him now.

"Sanzo, what's wrong?"

How can he answer this? _What is wrong? _Should he tell Goku that he is an impediment? But to what exactly he is hindering, Sanzo can never be sure. He feels disgruntled that Goku should think he would be interested in a spider's web, and annoyed at the boy's constant stubbornness and pertinacity. Why would he never leave him alone?

Goku knows.

For Goku, the sky had always been far away.

However many times he had tried to reach out to touch its blueness, his fingers could never dip into its warm azure colour. He had always been held back by bars, always alone.

He had never not been alone, had never known anything else. He couldn't even cry for the fact that there was no one else with him.

People fear what they cannot see, and people fear dying alone.

But Goku would always live, and watch the Sun rise and watch the Sun set, and then in that far off sky, he would see tiny distant stars, and he wasn't so alone after all. And then the Sun would rise again and turn the dark sky into an azure bowl before him, and he would try to reach out once more to touch it, and once more he would fail.

And then one day back then, Goku had uncurled himself from the dark, dusty ground of his prison, and had heard a noise he had never heard before. As he listened, he heard the same sound inside his chest, and waited with curious anticipation, until a silhouette fluttered across the Sky, and landed not far from him.

The bird was made of the Sun.

Gazing in wonder, Goku reached out, longing to touch its soft, yellow feathers, but it jumped back warily, and he was struck by a pang of aching emotion deep inside him.

_Please, will you stay with me? I've never seen anything like you before…_

Goku no longer noticed the passing of the Sun in the sky. He looked always at his own Sun that lit up the corners of the cave. The canary flapped its wings weakly, and Goku laughed with delight. It was alive, and he had never seen anything else but the dead stone that bore down around him.

Gently, he ran fingers over those feathers, and the bird bowed under his touch. Its black eyes glinted, and for a while it rested near the cave's opening, and Goku watched over it, always smiling.

The horizon turned pink and orange, reflecting in Goku's golden eyes. Time could have been eternity, but his Sun had stayed with him for longer. As the day began to drop slowly towards the horizon, it brought with it the ending of life.

Still smiling, always smiling as he saw the life before him, Goku watched as the canary, so fragile, flapped its wings until they fell uselessly, trailing upon the ground. Goku wondered at this, and his smile faltered slightly as the bird seemed to look him in the eye.

Every living thing, will die alone.

The bird dragged itself away from Goku, out into the dying light. Perturbed, Goku struggled forward after it, pulling his chains with him as he always did. He pressed his face between the stalactites, and watched in horror as the glint in his little Sun's eye disappeared. _No…_

He reached out. The Sun was so much closer than the sky – he'd be able to reach it, if he stretched his fingers a little more, if he tried to push his arm a little further through the bars of his cage.

Maybe he wanted to save the Sun, and not remain in darkness. But maybe he simply did not want to be left alone.

Goku tried so hard, pressing his shoulder against cold rock until his skin seared with hot pain; trying so desperately to reach out a little further and touch soft feathers, until he was overwhelmed with frustration and despair and anguish.

Defeated, he disconsolately stared through a welling of hurt, feeling loss for the first time.

If he had never created that bond, then he would never have felt alone.

Goku fell back from freedom, and cried, afraid of his own tears.

He had never cried before.

"Why don't you go find something to eat – play games somewhere else?" Sanzo asks in his sardonic voice, bringing Goku out of his reverie. Goku already knows what the priest is getting at. It's what reminded him of his imprisonment.

"No one here likes me, Sanzo," Goku says, thinking of all the different disapproving looks sent his way. "Why can't I just stay with you?"

Sanzo hunches his shoulders crossly. "Because -" No words come to mind - at least, none that will get through for the boy to comprehend.

"Why do you always want to be on your own?" Goku questions with innocent bluntness.

"Shut up! Why must you always ask questions?"

Goku pouts. "I'm just wondering," he explains. He is emotional, Sanzo can tell. "It's just…you're always pushing me away. Don't you ever get lonely?"

"You're not the only person who I know," Sanzo answers, unusually quiet.

Goku has worked himself into a state. "You know what I mean," he says angrily, but Sanzo is already turning away, and this time he knows better than to follow. For a moment, Goku glares at Sanzo's retreating back, before turning back the other way, making for the gardens.

He fancies peaches.

_Because I lost something precious to me, something I was unable to protect…I realised how worthless I was…_

…_My hands were full just taking care of myself. I don't want that again._

_I want something I don't have to protect…_

…_Because having a bond with another, can only ever bring eventual pain._

Goku sits in the branches, framed by leaves and blue sky, contentedly eating the fruit of a tree planted in sacred soils. He doesn't seem to care, but the monks of Chang-An do. They seem even more offended by Goku's enjoyment of it all. Perhaps, he likes the attention, or maybe just the sweet taste of the peaches.

"Please, come down at once!" one calls up to him anxiously. "You are blaspheming this holy place with your antics!"

"There is plenty other food that you can have," another says, agitated.

Goku grins down at them. "But they're so tasty!" he replies, and takes a bite into the tender, ripe skin of another peach. "Don't get so worked up about it."

One of the monks now gathered around the roots of the tree, puts a hand to his head, disconcerted. "We say it time and time again," he utters, trying to reign in his anger, and another next to him nods at his words.

"We can only wonder at Priest Genjyo Sanzo's incentive for keeping this - this…"

The other monk merely nods in reply, and they look back up into the branches in anticipation.

Suddenly, a monk hurries out from the monastery followed by Sanzo in no hurry. The gathering around the tree parts for the priest, and Goku pauses to watch. He is pleased, as always, to see Sanzo, as if the confrontation between them earlier had never occurred. He grins down through the branches.

"Get down from there," Sanzo orders, glaring daggers up at the boy. "Get down or these _idiots _will not stop bothering me until you do."

There is an angry murmur through the crowd, as if Sanzo cares. A gentle breeze ruffles his flaxen hair, and he folds his arms across his chest.

Goku stares at him for a moment, still grinning jovially from where he's perched. He listens over the mutterings beneath him to the birds twittering in nearby trees, and enjoys the warmth of the Sun upon the back of his neck. "Ok," he says, and hops agilely down to land gracefully upon the ground. There are many sighs of relief around him.

Knowing Goku will follow him, Sanzo makes an annoyed sound in his throat. "Stupid monkey," he mutters almost by habit, and walks away.

And Goku follows behind, musing with wonder at how Sanzo so reminds him of the Sun.

* * *

It has been nearly three years since he had freed Goku from his prison, and ended the insufferable voices calling out to him. And the constant rising of a new day in the same place is becoming insufferable too. 

Sanzo stands amidst the beauteous, blooming flowers, and vibrant greens, and rustling leaves, and broods upon the Sanbutsushin's words.

It is a thought he dislikes – it vexes him to think of the idea. But it is also a duty Koumyou brought him into, and he is not about to turn away an opportunity to leave this place, avenge his late master and regain the stolen scripture all in one.

His eyes are drawn to a vibrant butterfly, and he watches it as if in a trance.

And Goku, who had been chasing the very same butterfly, abruptly stops mid-stride and sucks in the sweet-smelling air in a deep breath. The Sun creates a golden halo upon Sanzo's head, and it is ethereal.

And Goku merely stares at it, as if he is eyeing candy.

Moments pass, and he comes to realise Sanzo is lost in thought. He takes a silent, wary step forward, but the priest does not notice. Bemused, Goku deems this as unusual. Whatever he is thinking about, it must be important.

As Goku moves, so does the Golden halo that he longs to touch. _It looks so soft, doesn't it? _He takes another step.

Entranced only by the light, Goku reaches up, just as he had done five hundred years ago beyond his memory, and stretches his fingers out to touch the Sun.

He breaches Sanzo's senses.

The priest snaps out of his thoughts, and turns with a suspicious, accusing look in his eye. Goku's hand is still stretched out, his curious face expressing only fascination.

"Your hair," he begins, with no embarrassment, "It reminds me of the Sun."

"The Sun?" Sanzo repeats, as if a forgotten memory has tried to resurface in his mind. He seems almost perplexed, before annoyance secures its place upon his features. "Don't pester me," he snaps, taking an inconspicuous step away from the boy, disliking the close proximity. _The Sun…_

Goku merely stares up at him with that open, surprised expression. _But Sanzo…_

It is strange that for once Sanzo finds the silence uncomfortable. He feels his palms are sweaty; he cannot look Goku in the eye. "We'll be leaving this place tomorrow," he says, if only to break the silence.

"We are?"

"…Yes." Sanzo knows that now is not the right time to tell Goku they'll be seeing Gojyo and Hakkai. He will only be irked by more questions or naïve excitement, and he feels his temper is unusually short at the moment. "Go and bother someone else," he says, irritated. "And leave me alone."

Goku pauses. _Alone…_

Sanzo _is _like the Sun. The darkness is always less black when he is near; the path is always more clear.

One day, Goku will break down that shield – he's sure of it. One day, he'll get close enough to touch that golden hair. To be alone for eternity is a tragedy in itself, and Goku was alone for too long.

He could never reach far enough, to touch the endless azure sky, that was so distant; to feel for one last time, the soft whisper of a dying Sun's life.

Sanzo means too much to Goku, for him to ever let go. Not now he's got a hold of something so certain. _You remind me of the Sun, and I can reach you… _

Goku grins.

"What is it now, monkey?" Sanzo asks languidly.

The sunlight glint's in the boy's eyes, as he turns away. "I'm going to climb some peach trees," he says.

**-fini.**


End file.
